G'ampa C's Blog

Thursday, April 13, 2006

The Church and a Sinful Lifestyle

This post arises as a result of reading Preachermike's site, in which a person responded with some questions about the apparent acceptance (by the church) of people who were unfaithful, then divorced their mates, and remarried.

Lee-
The few responses you received probably arise as a part of our church "culture". We do not like to deal with divorce AFTER the fact, because it cuts so many ways. I feel "tugged at" to respond because I can see you are struggling. Please understand that I am not a scholar. My approach to scripture is simple at best, but here goes:

The church, in general, has grown away from confession of our sins to each other. Not, of course, in every case, but in general. The call to confession of our sins to each other so we can pray and be healed is clear. Confession of our sins is hard, it is humbling, and it opens us up to assault by those who should love us the most. In an effort to NOT be seen as judgemental, we have also stepped back from the issues. We have become, to some extent, like the church at Corinth (I Cor 5). Paul says they should expel the brother who had his father's wife. They were apparently complacent or even accepting of the situation. This was a sexual "lifestyle" sin, much like the adultery you spoke of in your comment post.
If the church accepted the validity and reality of confrontation and confession, your relative would have to have been openly rebellious to the church when confronted with the sin of adultery. The mechanism for bringing repentance (shepherding followed by more shepherding then maybe severing of fellowship) would have been brought forward. Instead, we are too concerned with the pain of the log in our own eyes to bring up someone else's problems. None of us is perfect, so what right do I have to be judgemental?
It's simple, but it's not, and it's not easy. If we LOVE, truly LOVE like we should, we will risk some anger and consternation to bring those we love away from going over the cliff. Deep down, we should know that any sinful lifestyle by a professing Christian ( I Cor. 5:11 - sexually immoral, greedy, idolator, slanderer, drunkard, swindler; and others from Rev. 21:8) is a departure from the grace which saves us.
When Jesus talks about divorce and adultery, (Matt. 19:1-12) he says a man (or probably woman) who divorces except for unfaithfulness, and remarries, commits adultery. If your relative became convicted of the sin of adultery and promise-breaking, it seems the place to begin is repentance and apology, since it is unlikely that the broken relationship will be restored now. Depending on her faith, celibacy may then be the best answer. Continuing to live in the relationship seems to be like continuing a life of drunkenness or swindling after repentance. This part is really hard, but Jesus then said some choose to renounce marriage for the kingdom. Sometimes he requires everything we have, when that "everything" comes between us and him.
The goal of any action taken by the church or Christian toward someone who is living a lifestyle of sin should be the eternal salvation of that person. We have difficulty taking any action, though. Sometimes, I am afraid that "speaking the truth in love" has become "ignoring your problem, without love". I believe the Lord views someone who is struggling with a sin differently than someone who is comfortable in it.
I also believe that whatever we are drawn to that is immoral, whether it is adultery, pornography, homosexuality, greed, theft, worldliness, even refusal to forgive, etc., can become for us a lifestyle of sin. Living that lifestyle every day separates us from the grace of God, and the best way to deal with it is compassionate confrontation, confession, repentance and forgiveness. We are not designed to do it on our own, but I think many of us, especially those of us struggling with lifestyle sins, find ourselves all alone in a church building full of Christians. I confess to you that I struggle with worldliness almost every day, so I don't have a corner on the eye-speck removal market.
So...having found no "official stance" on your subject, I hope you at least feel like someone was concerned enough to really respond to you. That is what we are all called to do. Jesus calls us to love, help and forgive.
Peace to you and yours.

5 Comments:

  • At 6:05 AM, Blogger pawatson said…

    Calvin, Amen. I hope that many will find their way to your blog. You have received a gift of wisdom. You bless my life.

     
  • At 9:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    G'ampa~~~
    Thank you so much for your wonderful response! I speak to my relative 3 times a week at church and I still pray for her. I just don't WHAT to tell my kids. They are finding out through our family she has been married 3 times and I have a teenager who I'm trying to explain this to. I don't want "sin" to our children to be "no big deal". I know I'm probably not making any sense! It's so hard to type what you want to SAY!!!! I understand we all sin and fall short, but the "living" in sin is what I'm worried about. I have many "anti" relatives and look up to them so much for being able to speak the truth in love..... I guess I'm just confused and need to keep praying, studying my bible and "reading" your blog!
    Thanks again for your well-thought out response. Lee~~~~~~~~~

     
  • At 6:14 AM, Blogger G'ampa C said…

    Lee-
    Tell your children the truth, in love. That you love her but fear for her soul because of the lifestyle she has chosen. It's very possible for someone to be lost when they believe they are saved. Jesus said in that day many will say Lord! Hey, wait a minute!!! I did many things in your name! I went to church, I gave to the poor, I supported missions, I taught bible class, etc. (Obviously paraphrased by me) What they did not do was give him their hearts. If he really has my heart, I will try to please him, not follow a check list. If he has my heart, he will know me because we will be intimate. For Jesus to say "I never knew you" is the worst description a life can have.
    Also, tell your children this:
    Someday, they will find that special person and be married. As they go through life at work, or in the church, or in school functions, or PTA they will come into contact with someone of the opposite sex who is pleasant and appealing. Over days and weeks and months, the opportunity will present itself for adultery. I guarantee it. Tell them to decide NOW what they will do with that. We grow up thinking that when we meet the perfect guy or girl, everything will be perfect and we will never be tempted. That is just not true. We should prepare our children for those moments. I was given this little speech by my friend, a dentist, when I was 17 (I was dating his daughter at the time, and he was pulling my wisdom teeth.)
    I found it to be true; I have had many opportunities but have walked away. I have several close friends in the church who weren't prepared for that moment, and their lives will never be the same. Please, tell your children.

     
  • At 8:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Wow! The dentist had you didn't he! ha ha
    Thanks so much. I will tell them what you said. You have wonderful words of wisdom and I plan on visiting your blog frequently!
    I just can't imagine my children 12,10 and 8 entering a world where the divorce rate is 50% and will probably be higher by the time they marry. We communicate well and I have many teaching opportunities a day with them. I need to also remember to pray about this. I get wrapped up in what can I do and forget it's what God can do through me.
    Thanks again G'ampa!
    Have a wonderful Easter with your family!
    ~~~Lee

     
  • At 6:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "I believe the Lord views someone who is struggling with a sin differently than someone who is comfortable in it."

    I have always hoped this was true.

     

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